Trapped
by MyNameisNothing
Summary: After years in Azkaban, Sirius wants revenge.
1. Chapter 1

Trapped

**Trapped**

Her smile. A magnificent aura of warmth and kindness that lights the Earth with a single touch. Or it did, but not any more. Now she was gone, taking his best friend and literally his life with her. Gone and never coming back. They both were**; **he would never see them again.

A million questions fought for domination. His mind was struggling to hold on, his grief encircling him in fog that was ever so slowly choking him. He was never safe. The night brought him terrors that most don't face in a lifetime**;** the sun brought him realization, and when it struck it hit him with such force that made him sick. This was his entire fault.

No, he hadn't pointed a wand at them, or told Voldemort where they were hiding, no nothing like that, but he was as much to blame as Voldemort for their deaths. It was he who convinced them, no, begged**,** them to change Secret-Keepers.

"Less obvious" he had said "No-one would ever have to know"**,** it would be their secret. A secret. The secret that landed him here in this god-forsaken place, turned his friends against him, and lost so many lives. In reality, many would say only two people had died, but they were wrong, how wrong they were. Remus was dead, he had lost all his friends and had no where to go. Harry. He gripped his knees tighter. He had killed Harry; denied him his parents, his bright future, a chance at a normal life with a normal family. And Peter. A dog-like snarl escaped his lips. Truth be told, Peter no longer was a friend to Sirius, nor did he seem much like a person. _"A better rat than a person."_ Sirius thought with vengeance. It was painful to think of Peter, so it was better to think of Peter as dead.

It was a nightmare, a true night terror, the things that dance in his sleepless nights and haunting his days. Yes it seemed like a nightmare, but it was real. As real as the trickling of the rain outside the cold stone walls, as real as the tears forming in the corners of his eyes and slipping, hardly noticed, down his dirt caked cheek. This was as real as the pain that was coming and that had been. It was as real as the confusion and blinding pain that was the present. It was as real as the air he breathed, and it was also as real as the hysterical laugh that now escaped his lips.

At first, it was a mere chuckle, quiet and barely audible, then it grew with ease into a full rasping laugh, the kind he used to laugh when James showed off in front of Lily and failed miserably. Though this wasn't like those times, those times were gone, dead in the past. With this thought, it grew louder and louder, until the walls taunted his pain back at him.

"SHUT UP, YOU CRACKPOT! WE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP!" a bellow echoed from a cell, not far from his own.

Yes, they would call him insane, but if they knew anything, anything at all, of the pain that owned him, they would-still call him insane. But a new thought came to Sirius. He didn't care anymore if they thought he was insane. He didn't care anymore that they thought he was insane for shoving some of the grief out through laughter. Their thoughts on his mind didn't touch him, nothing could, all that mattered was that James and Lily were dead, and it was his fault.

A cold feeling spread through the interior of his mind and made his laughter cease. Thoughts of his past rolled their way back into him. The terrors of his past life ran into a jumble, screaming out for attention, all leading up to the deaths of two of his best friends. The pain consumed him, and he knew no more.

Her smile. A magnificent aura of warmth and kindness that lights the Earth with a single touch that would now light the Heavens.


	2. Chapter 2

Trapped

**Trapped**

_Chapter 2 _

_Juliet_

ForeverisonFire

**A/N****: Please review. They seriously make my day.**

**2 years. 5 days. **

For the longest time during my youth, I had a hard time knowing the difference between love and lust. Or I should say, I had a hard time identifying love. Perhaps it was just a higher level of passion? A deeper feeling of desire?

Desire, craving I learned early on with my first girlfriend.

Heart beats faster, pupils dilate, hands grow sweaty. You find yourself staring, fantasizing as you trail your tongue across your lower lip, a zing going off through your ears, growing louder and louder, blocking all rational thought. Deep, deep infatuation, an aching, wanting feeling that shoots from your tightening chest to your…well…your everywhere else.

But love, love is something I learned with her.

Not only do your pupils dilate, but they are transfixed, focused on them solely and no one else; you can't imagine taking your eyes off them, not even for a second. You heart beat not only beats quicker, but almost seemingly wants to beat out of your chest, and when it's not doing that, it's almost as if it can't move, as though it's paralyzed, frozen. You find yourself wanting to do anything and everything for that one person.

Her name was Juliet and she had a smile like an angel. So serene, so perfect that fell immediately in love when I glanced at her across the courtyard that cold December afternoon. But that was long in the past.

I curl up tighter under the blankets, attempting to block out the pain. The once warm thought now turned cold, fought for dominance in my head, and was forcing it's way through my mind. Tears, hot and scorching, sting my eyes as the drip out of my sleepy, drunken eyes down the sides of his cheeks.

I remember that smile perfectly. The rosy lips, the smoothness of them as the slide smoothly across flawlessly, straight and lustrous white teeth as she laughed.

To be honest, there were only two things that kept me from going insane in this place.

2 years, 5 days, almost 6 now, I guess as I look out the barred window at the setting sun as it cast glorious pinks and oranges across the raging torrents of water that surrounded the small island.

Her smile. And Gabriel.

_Warm skin and smooth hands cover mine as silky lips trace my neck. I smile despite of all the things that had happened that week._

_A small bundle is pressed into my arms and I take it, holding it close to my chest, the warmth from the blankets radiating from it against my cool skin._

_The feeling of fulfillment. The feeling of being a father._

_It was perfection. Or the closest definition, closest word I could find for the feeling. The warmth, the happiness, the feeling swelling in my chest. Paradise. Soft, supple lips press against my ear._

"_Sirius." The voice whispers. I open my eyes and see nothing but darkness. Confused, I close them again and reopen, hoping to see her. I reach out to her, feeling for her, wanting to take her into my arms as well, feel the comfort of her close to me. But the warmth is gone, and the softness with it._

"_Sirius…" the voice calls again. _

_Still nothing. Desperate, I rub them, I squeeze them shut, I do everything. But nothing can shake the darkness from my eyes. _

_And then the worst comes._

_I noticed I've lost the warmth; the pressure in my arms is gone._

_Frantic, I drop to my knees and begin to feel around, urgently searching._

_Nothing. Nothing at all._

"_Sirius…" the voice continues to call my name, growing louder and louder._

_  
I look quicker, scramble faster. Where is it? Where is he?_

_Where is my Gabriel?_

"_Sirius!" The voice is demanding now, almost angry._

_Oh God What Have I Done. Gabriel, Juliet….where were they?_

"_Sirius!" She's crying, she's regretful, she's hurt._

_James…Lily…_

"_SIRIUS!"_

I awake with a start, my throat burning, my chest begging for air. It took me a moment to realize I was screaming and I quieted myself, fearful that if I kept going, one of _them_ would be there to silence me.

Wrapping my arms around my knees, I pull them to my chest and press my face to them, fighting through the memories, the pain. That last dream had been almost too much. Desperately, I try and fight back the tears, my lips moving wordlessly, repeating the same phrase over and over.

"I have to get out of here. I have to get out of here."


End file.
